To Be or Not To Be

Out of the blue, the plans, which have been made over a lifetime, come crashing down around the ears of an unsuspecting mom. Plans for the weekend and for life have come to an abrupt halt. The future is no longer with the love of her life, only her children provide a source of hope. Decisions, decisions which road to take which path to tread.

These questions pop up at every turn. Her children have to be cared for and the pillow on the bed can only hold so many tears. Life has changed from what she knew, days of laughter, hugs and kisses have disappeared. Life continues as the sun rises each morning and sets each night. She decides “Grief” and “Despair” have hung on long enough, as she pries their cold dark fingers from her arms. Happiness is within reach - there is light at the top of the rise. She feels hope as she slowly pulls herself out of the chasm of gloom. Widows face a daily struggle with grief and depression; they must find motivation to overcome the gloom, and despair, and must reach up where happiness resides.

Depression and grief are like vicious animals latching on to the soul pulling it towards the darkness where Satan makes his home. Life changing decisions for a widow start every morning as she awakes, will she place her feet on the floor or close her eyes tightly shutting out the light of the day. Is she ready to see the new day or will “Grief” and “Depression” retain their hold. It would be so wonderful to backup time and live the life they planned. Her friends live the life she once took for granted. The depression she experiences is caused by her inactivity. Her source of encouragement is gone, the life she had has changed.

She must make a conscious effort to overcome the urge to pull the covers over her head so she can forget about the world outside. There is a world out there beyond the dark room she has sequestered herself into during the last few days, weeks or months. She must start with rolling back the covers and throwing up the blinds, it is a start of a new day. The tune ‘One day at a Time’ resonates in her memory as she stands and takes the first steps towards freedom from the darkness of gloom and misery. The sunlight dances across her cheeks as she steps closer to the window. A glance back gives “Grief” and “Despair” hope of her return, “NO!” They will not have her she says. With determination, she looks back at the sun and smiles. “Grief” and “Despair” will have to wait another day for today she is making the decision to change her life for the better.

To find motivation a widow must pull herself out of the pit of despair. She must look beyond the dark recesses of the tomb she has encased herself in and put on an armor of determination so she can traipse through the valley of doom and gloom. The sun brings light back to her life; allowing it to penetrate the darkness, and providing strength for her armor.

Listening to her children’s laughter lightens her soul -- there is more to life -- a reason for living. She dresses in bright colors to help chase away the darkness. She throws the door open wide and takes the first steps towards the joy and laughter -- her heart lifts. Having someone to hold her hand has gone she stands alone. She chokes back her tears when she sees the neighbor kiss her husband good-bye; she wants to shout, “Value your time together, for it can change”. A battle cry rings in her mind “carpe diem!” “Seize the day!” she holds herself high and lets the sun cover her with light, “Grief” and “Despair” are loosing the fight. Her motivation has been found but for many widows the motivation is unreachable and the power of “Grief” and “Despair” pull them back into the darkness of the valley of doom and gloom.

Once a widow finds herself, she faces a new future. Many new opportunities and decisions, which were once made as a team, are now made alone. Countless times a widow encounters survival obstacles because her ability to survive financially is in jeopardy, unlike the married couple who pull their resources, she must retain employment and at the same time provide for the needs of her children. She has responsibilities towards her children to supply the same comfort and care they rely on their parents to provide. Life was so much easier before death; it is always easier when you share life’s burdens. The widow may find her future on her own or she may find another love that will fill the void left behind by the love she held so dear. She must plan to take the initiative to be successful if only to set an example for her children.

I am a mom who has endured the loss of her husband; I have been facing the daily decision making which can be, life changing. I am a mom who has climbed out of the darkness and is making decisions for the future on her own. The climb was a struggle, as every rung on the ladder would have another obstacle to overcome. Grief and despair is a part of human nature when the death of a loved one is experienced. Keeping ones self from falling into the pit of despair is a difficult task, one that cannot be taken alone. When anyone falls into a deep ravine, he or she needs someone to throw him or her a lifeline ~ a virtual rope of hope.

The hope for me was relying on God and knowing his love for me could surpass the deepest sorrows in my heart. I have the promise from God he will supply for my every need. For the last six years, God has blessed me beyond anything I could have imagined. My wildest dreams never took me to the reality of what I am living today. I found my motivation in the blessings of my children and we are planning our future. Depression and Grief no longer have a hold on my life; I overcame the obstacles set before me when I had to decide to be or not to be.